Which states currently have the highest entrepreneurial activity rates? California? Massachusetts with all those university students?
Not quite. As heard on NPR this morning, based on data from a Kaufmann report, the top three states are Oklahoma, Montana, and Arizona.
Hello preconceived notions.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
rights
Switzerland is generally used as the black sheep example of giving women the right to vote as late as 1970. But Mississippi only ratified the 19th amendment in 1984. That's when my little brother was born.
Crazy yucks.
But then again in 2010 the US still hasn't ratified CEDAW for women or the CRC for children.
Crazy yucks.
But then again in 2010 the US still hasn't ratified CEDAW for women or the CRC for children.
Monday, June 14, 2010
ball beer ... and batter?
England's Home Office (State Department) research states that domestic violence increases by almost 30% on soccer game days.
Campaign running at the moment to limit the violence during the 2010 world cup, using posters with "a football (soccer) shirt, a remote control and a broken beer bottle."
(Anecdotal evidence points to the same issue on Super Bowl Sunday).
Campaign running at the moment to limit the violence during the 2010 world cup, using posters with "a football (soccer) shirt, a remote control and a broken beer bottle."
(Anecdotal evidence points to the same issue on Super Bowl Sunday).
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
humanity
As a society, we've been working hard for a while to put a little buffer between us and unpleasantness. There are special places, special people even, to deal with sick ones and the dead.
Yet the most compassionate beings I know are those who've survived a tragedy - such as the loss of a child, or the accompanying of a dying friend or relative.
What if by keeping those unpleasant but inevitable happenings at arm's length, we have lost the natural medium through which we learn compassion, humaneness, the values that most embetter us?
I'm not saying we need to embrace additional, unnecessary hurt or pain; I am not nostalgic for the cave ages, nor advocating returning back to the foot-binding days (which, by the way, included breaking the bones repeatedly).
Or is this already established common knowledge and I'm joining the party late?
Yet the most compassionate beings I know are those who've survived a tragedy - such as the loss of a child, or the accompanying of a dying friend or relative.
What if by keeping those unpleasant but inevitable happenings at arm's length, we have lost the natural medium through which we learn compassion, humaneness, the values that most embetter us?
I'm not saying we need to embrace additional, unnecessary hurt or pain; I am not nostalgic for the cave ages, nor advocating returning back to the foot-binding days (which, by the way, included breaking the bones repeatedly).
Or is this already established common knowledge and I'm joining the party late?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Women as citizens
Saw the "Iron Jawed Angels" film last week.
Beyond the gorgeous costumes and the unexpected MTV-like end sequence, the movie is gripping - women suffragettes in the US in the 1910's. Politics, generational conflict, strategy and tactics. Support base. Race relations. Misogyny disguised as willingness to protect women from the dirty world of politics. Perseverance. Hunger strikes. Torture in the form of forced feeding and broken face.
The wife of a senator donates money, but does not want to publicly support the cause as not to embarass her husband. The Alice Stokes Paul character replies that “Women like you are worse than anti-suffragists; you perpetuate the lie everyday at breakfast".
What haunts me is the unnerving similarity with the fight women still fight today around the world for their rights as citizens.
Their right to economic viability; their right for custody; their right to vote in some places still. Their right to be full citizens.
Their right to be prejudged as no better nor worse than their male counterparts.
Beyond the gorgeous costumes and the unexpected MTV-like end sequence, the movie is gripping - women suffragettes in the US in the 1910's. Politics, generational conflict, strategy and tactics. Support base. Race relations. Misogyny disguised as willingness to protect women from the dirty world of politics. Perseverance. Hunger strikes. Torture in the form of forced feeding and broken face.
The wife of a senator donates money, but does not want to publicly support the cause as not to embarass her husband. The Alice Stokes Paul character replies that “Women like you are worse than anti-suffragists; you perpetuate the lie everyday at breakfast".
What haunts me is the unnerving similarity with the fight women still fight today around the world for their rights as citizens.
Their right to economic viability; their right for custody; their right to vote in some places still. Their right to be full citizens.
Their right to be prejudged as no better nor worse than their male counterparts.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Beyond the chores wars?
This may be the smartest relationship advice:
How to Fairly Share the Chores by Getting Past What’s “Fair”
How many times have you read about, or listened to, complaints that women do more around the house? In blogs and news pieces and books, in our neighborhoods and playdate circles, at work and at the park, moms are pissed about, or hopelessly resigned to, their unfair burdens. Statistics are bantered about and analyzed in minute detail: Women spend X hours doing chores compared to men, Y hours caring for the kids compared to men, Z hours managing a crushing to-do list and wheedling their spouses into ‘helping’ them with all of it. Men respond, either by turning a deaf ear, claiming they biologically can’t see what needs to be done, defending their own different but vital contributions to the family’s survival, or returning a volley of their own statistics about how they are indeed doing far more laundry and changing a mountain more diapers than their own fathers ever contemplated.
Yet where is this all getting us? Perhaps we are crawling collectively closer to a truly equitable partnership, as defined by a de-gendered, equal sharing of the family burdens (and, don’t forget, the joys!). And maybe all our outcries are leading to productive conversations that cause individual women and men to re-examine the fairness factor and do something about it. But, we’d venture that all this huffing and puffing isn’t leading to lasting, happy partnerships for both parents.
There has to be a better way.
The problem, we propose, is that these efforts are typically aimed only at the surface of the issue. At who is doing what, when, how. They are focused almost exclusively on addressing the workload itself – the cooking, cleaning, sweeping, grocery shopping, bed-making, baby-rocking, feeding, bathing, diaper changing. We’re holding all of this work up and trying to fix the problem by arguing about fairness. Or nagging or reminding our spouses about previous agreements to fairness. Or lavishing praise on them for lifting a finger toward fairness. Or going out of our way to appreciate them for once again doing more than their fair share of the work. Or twisting ourselves in knots to make it easy for our partners to do their fair half – patiently (or snippily) instructing them, setting out “honey-do” lists that make it foolproof, criticizing their efforts when they fall short in an ill-fated attempt that they will do better next time. Or giving up and accepting an unfair arrangement (after all, acceptance is a good thing, right?). Or maybe some other tactic. But the spotlight is still squarely on fairness – and that keeps us stuck in the realm of the physical tasks.
What if we turned our focus inward instead, into the depths of our relationship rather than on the surface of our respective family roles? This is the secret that, time and again, buoys a sustained, satisfying and happy life of equal sharing for so many couples that we’ve met and interviewed who practice the family model we call equally shared parenting. Instead of attacking the chore division problem, these couples tell us time and again that they focus on the bigger picture. They ask themselves – and listen to each other’s answers – about what they really want their relationship to look like now and in the future. Who do they want to be to each other? What do they each want from their partnership? What do they dream for their relationship in twenty years? What are they willing to do to get there, or avoid veering off course? For equal sharing couples, the answers all point toward remaining full peers and giving each other all of the riches that parenting can bring – by sharing the burdens so neither is overwhelmed and neither misses out.
These questions have nothing to do with gender roles, and everything to do with relationship. They help set the compass on the stuff that really matters, so that a couple can steer their lives together in a direction that gives them a fighting chance of sustainable sharing. They give both men and women the motivation and courage to tackle those pesky mundane puzzles like who does the laundry and who makes dinner tonight – not only because there is a “fair” way to solve them, but because there is a solution that keeps their relationship growing in the direction they both desire. Both partners own the dream – as equals. They are a team.
Okay, so that sounds all ethereal and pretty, but how does this work in reality? Much like it does for anyone who really, deeply wants to work toward a cherished goal. Want to run in the Boston Marathon? You won’t find it useful to grumble about every practice run, regardless of the weather or how much sleep you didn’t get the night before. Want to go to medical school? That required organic chemistry course isn’t a drag; it is a step closer to your dream - making it possibly even enjoyable. Want a deep, connected relationship with your kids, spouse and home? Doing your share of the dishes sounds pretty good compared to the subtle but powerful ripple effect on your relationship if you shoved chore after chore - even without malice - onto your wife (or husband) time and again. Want a true partner in caring for the children? All of a sudden, it is easier to muster the courage to let go of directing him (or her) during bath time or criticizing how he dresses the kids. When both of you want an equal partnership, and a balance that includes ample opportunities to experience all the best parts of life, you’ll both be dedicated to making it work.
This is how every equally shared parenting couple we’ve ever met approaches their relationship together – and makes this life a lasting joy for both partners. We share much more about the how-to’s in our new book, Equally Shared Parenting: Rewriting the Rules for a New Generation of Parents and on our website, www.equallysharedparenting.com.
How to Fairly Share the Chores by Getting Past What’s “Fair”
How many times have you read about, or listened to, complaints that women do more around the house? In blogs and news pieces and books, in our neighborhoods and playdate circles, at work and at the park, moms are pissed about, or hopelessly resigned to, their unfair burdens. Statistics are bantered about and analyzed in minute detail: Women spend X hours doing chores compared to men, Y hours caring for the kids compared to men, Z hours managing a crushing to-do list and wheedling their spouses into ‘helping’ them with all of it. Men respond, either by turning a deaf ear, claiming they biologically can’t see what needs to be done, defending their own different but vital contributions to the family’s survival, or returning a volley of their own statistics about how they are indeed doing far more laundry and changing a mountain more diapers than their own fathers ever contemplated.
Yet where is this all getting us? Perhaps we are crawling collectively closer to a truly equitable partnership, as defined by a de-gendered, equal sharing of the family burdens (and, don’t forget, the joys!). And maybe all our outcries are leading to productive conversations that cause individual women and men to re-examine the fairness factor and do something about it. But, we’d venture that all this huffing and puffing isn’t leading to lasting, happy partnerships for both parents.
There has to be a better way.
The problem, we propose, is that these efforts are typically aimed only at the surface of the issue. At who is doing what, when, how. They are focused almost exclusively on addressing the workload itself – the cooking, cleaning, sweeping, grocery shopping, bed-making, baby-rocking, feeding, bathing, diaper changing. We’re holding all of this work up and trying to fix the problem by arguing about fairness. Or nagging or reminding our spouses about previous agreements to fairness. Or lavishing praise on them for lifting a finger toward fairness. Or going out of our way to appreciate them for once again doing more than their fair share of the work. Or twisting ourselves in knots to make it easy for our partners to do their fair half – patiently (or snippily) instructing them, setting out “honey-do” lists that make it foolproof, criticizing their efforts when they fall short in an ill-fated attempt that they will do better next time. Or giving up and accepting an unfair arrangement (after all, acceptance is a good thing, right?). Or maybe some other tactic. But the spotlight is still squarely on fairness – and that keeps us stuck in the realm of the physical tasks.
What if we turned our focus inward instead, into the depths of our relationship rather than on the surface of our respective family roles? This is the secret that, time and again, buoys a sustained, satisfying and happy life of equal sharing for so many couples that we’ve met and interviewed who practice the family model we call equally shared parenting. Instead of attacking the chore division problem, these couples tell us time and again that they focus on the bigger picture. They ask themselves – and listen to each other’s answers – about what they really want their relationship to look like now and in the future. Who do they want to be to each other? What do they each want from their partnership? What do they dream for their relationship in twenty years? What are they willing to do to get there, or avoid veering off course? For equal sharing couples, the answers all point toward remaining full peers and giving each other all of the riches that parenting can bring – by sharing the burdens so neither is overwhelmed and neither misses out.
These questions have nothing to do with gender roles, and everything to do with relationship. They help set the compass on the stuff that really matters, so that a couple can steer their lives together in a direction that gives them a fighting chance of sustainable sharing. They give both men and women the motivation and courage to tackle those pesky mundane puzzles like who does the laundry and who makes dinner tonight – not only because there is a “fair” way to solve them, but because there is a solution that keeps their relationship growing in the direction they both desire. Both partners own the dream – as equals. They are a team.
Okay, so that sounds all ethereal and pretty, but how does this work in reality? Much like it does for anyone who really, deeply wants to work toward a cherished goal. Want to run in the Boston Marathon? You won’t find it useful to grumble about every practice run, regardless of the weather or how much sleep you didn’t get the night before. Want to go to medical school? That required organic chemistry course isn’t a drag; it is a step closer to your dream - making it possibly even enjoyable. Want a deep, connected relationship with your kids, spouse and home? Doing your share of the dishes sounds pretty good compared to the subtle but powerful ripple effect on your relationship if you shoved chore after chore - even without malice - onto your wife (or husband) time and again. Want a true partner in caring for the children? All of a sudden, it is easier to muster the courage to let go of directing him (or her) during bath time or criticizing how he dresses the kids. When both of you want an equal partnership, and a balance that includes ample opportunities to experience all the best parts of life, you’ll both be dedicated to making it work.
This is how every equally shared parenting couple we’ve ever met approaches their relationship together – and makes this life a lasting joy for both partners. We share much more about the how-to’s in our new book, Equally Shared Parenting: Rewriting the Rules for a New Generation of Parents and on our website, www.equallysharedparenting.com.
Friday, February 26, 2010
acquiescence
A: Maman, mon bottom il est itchy.
Me: Ton derrière te gratte, ma puce.
I paraphrase A's sentences back to her in French. The intent of course is to help with her French vocab, reinforce that this is the language I speak, and encourage her to use it too.
My mom used to do the same with the deaf children she worked with years ago, as I saw when I got to join them on field trips. Any means to encourage them to communicate was good.
Same method I used with the latino immigrants who were learning English with me: paraphrase it back in correct English to gently model the right sentence language without stopping the flow of conversation.
And the same method we use with toddlers when they start talking.
But last night I wondered if I would be less tuned into A if I didn't make a conscious effort to listen and mirror back accurately - still, now that she's 4. If that tuning into, and speaking it as if it were my own, didn't influence me a little to agree with her more than I otherwise would (the above example notwithstanding).
The parenting pendulum seems to have swung so far from distanced parenting into all-wrapped up parenting that I also wonder whether it's time to make sure I inject a little distance to let her come into her own more. She already is so sensitive to all the feelings around her, and I don't wish her soaking up all any more neurotic angst than is necessary.
Me: Ton derrière te gratte, ma puce.
I paraphrase A's sentences back to her in French. The intent of course is to help with her French vocab, reinforce that this is the language I speak, and encourage her to use it too.
My mom used to do the same with the deaf children she worked with years ago, as I saw when I got to join them on field trips. Any means to encourage them to communicate was good.
Same method I used with the latino immigrants who were learning English with me: paraphrase it back in correct English to gently model the right sentence language without stopping the flow of conversation.
And the same method we use with toddlers when they start talking.
But last night I wondered if I would be less tuned into A if I didn't make a conscious effort to listen and mirror back accurately - still, now that she's 4. If that tuning into, and speaking it as if it were my own, didn't influence me a little to agree with her more than I otherwise would (the above example notwithstanding).
The parenting pendulum seems to have swung so far from distanced parenting into all-wrapped up parenting that I also wonder whether it's time to make sure I inject a little distance to let her come into her own more. She already is so sensitive to all the feelings around her, and I don't wish her soaking up all any more neurotic angst than is necessary.
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