On the longing of not living lightly

I long for music ringing through the house.
I want a big pot to boil the last white corn ears of the summer.
The travel perfume has run out, but an almost-full bottle is arriving next week, and I know I'll want to change fragrance at the end of the pregnancy, so I cannot go out and buy another bottle.
I want a bigger wardrobe for going out to dinner with the uninvited laws than the 3 items I've been cycling through for the last 2-3 months.
I want my q-tips, dammit - I don't want to have to buy another 500 when I know I have 490 coming in the truck next week, and so I ration my last few q-tips.

I do believe in treading lightly on this earth, but if it's a journey, I may be on the path to lighter living, certainly not there yet. I'm still in the self-pity portion of rich privileged consumerists.

family jewels

Two months ago almost, the CIA declassified its "family jewels" - documents relating to the violation of its charter over 25 years until the 1970s where revelations stopped (some?) illegal wiretapping, domestic surveillance, assassination plots, and human experimentation.

The 693-page file is available and searchable on George Washington University's National Security Archive website.

While most are concerned with the obvious harassment of dissidents, I'm kind of interested in number 10 on M. Colby's list (see below), "Behavior modification experiments on "unwitting" US citizens."

And why the quotes around unwitting?

On December 31, 1974, CIA director Colby and the CIA general counsel John Warner met with the deputy attorney general, Lawrence Silberman, and his associate, James Wilderotter, to brief Justice "in connection with the recent New York Times articles" on CIA matters that "presented legal questions." Colby's list included 18 specifics:

1. Confinement of a Russian defector that "might be regarded as a violation of the kidnapping laws."
2. Wiretapping of two syndicated columnists, Robert Allen and Paul Scott.
3. Physical surveillance of muckraker Jack Anderson and his associates, including current Fox News anchor Brit Hume.
4. Physical surveillance of then Washington Post reporter Michael Getler.
5. Break-in at the home of a former CIA employee.
6. Break-in at the office of a former defector.
7. Warrantless entry into the apartment of a former CIA employee.
8. Mail opening from 1953 to 1973 of letters to and from the Soviet Union.
9. Mail opening from 1969 to 1972 of letters to and from China.
10. Behavior modification experiments on "unwitting" U.S. citizens.
11. Assassination plots against Castro, Lumumba, and Trujillo (on the latter, "no active part" but a "faint connection" to the killers).
12. Surveillance of dissident groups between 1967 and 1971.
13. Surveillance of a particular Latin American female and U.S. citizens in Detroit.
14. Surveillance of a CIA critic and former officer, Victor Marchetti.
15. Amassing of files on 9,900-plus Americans related to the antiwar movement.
16. Polygraph experiments with the San Mateo, California, sheriff.
17. Fake CIA identification documents that might violate state laws.
18. Testing of electronic equipment on US telephone circuits.

camera-ville

The mind is a powerful distorting tool. You know how you forget why certain people are your friends. I for one become startled all over again when we spend time with these people and (wow!) we have such a great time! imagine that! with friends! and they're funny and warm and friendly and accomodating and inviting and generous.

Which is a very good thing. Which is also to say that I was startled when the topic of cameras in preschools came up. And some friends (parents) were upset that they could no longer peek into their son's classroom because some parents objected. On the grounds of anonymity probably based on their wealth or what not.

Everyone nodded as to why this was such a pity, such a convenience for the mom while she was on business trips to Asia to be able to see her son. But the crux of their argument was that 'if the teacher's not doing anything wrong, then how could she mind?'.

I was startled to be alone in my shock and dismay. Webcams? for 3 year olds. why?

Did a little research. Webcams in preschools here (and classrooms in general) are very common. I came across plenty of commercial material and no debate board.

So I've been thinking this over. Some running thoughts:
- when A was sharing a nanny with a younger boy at the boy's parents', and the mom decided to study to become a teacher instead of going back to the high-tech industry, she said she'd be studying at the library to give the nanny her own space to do her things. That was, to me, a very wise and mature call I respected. Mature in seeing how more difficult it can be to be a nanny while parents hover around. Which is a situation I'm trying to balance in my home also at the moment.
- People act differentely when they know they're being watched. We're not quite talking The Stanford Prison Experiment with sadistic college-students-turned-prison-guards and psychologically-broken-down-college-students-turned-prisoners, I can see that.

But it bugs me. A heckuva lot. Why? Any thoughts?

Women Don't Ask continued

Years ago CMU's Linda Babcock wrote a book on her research findings on the negotiation differences between men and women - succintly how women negotiate less and the high cost they pay for it. The oft-quoted solution was for women to get trained at being more aggressive, and ask for more.

An article in the Washington Post follows up on her research with colleague Hannah Riley Bowles.

"What we found across all the studies is men were always less willing to work with a woman who had attempted to negotiate than with a woman who did not. They always preferred to work with a woman who stayed mum. But it made no difference to the men whether a guy had chosen to negotiate or not."

"This isn't about fixing the women," Bowles said. "It isn't about telling women, 'You need self-confidence or training.' They are responding to incentives within the social environment. The point of this paper is: Yes, there is an economic rationale to negotiate, but you have to weigh that against social risks of negotiating. What we show is those risks are higher for women than for men."

And Reuters contributes another story to continue painting this rosy picture. Now surely, none of us know of a company where anger and pounding on the table or one's chest can be viewed as positive actions.

Victoria Brescoll, a Yale post-doc, conducted three tests in which men and women recruited randomly watched videos of a job interview and were asked to rate the applicant's status and assign them a salary.

Participants conferred the most status on the man who said he was angry, the second most on the woman who said she was sad, slightly less on the man who said he was sad, and least of all by a sizable margin on the woman who said she was angry.

When status was factored into the roles,

"Participants rated the angry female CEO as significantly less competent than all of the other targets, including even the angry female trainee," Brescoll wrote. She said they viewed angry females as significantly more "out of control."

geraniums bleh

I have no fondness for geraniums - too many leaves, not enough class.
I have no fondness either for housecleaning.

But combine the two and wow!, Mrs Meyers' geranium countertop spray, makes me scrub my kitchen every night.
I've branched out onto a bunch of other products in that same brand... wow again: what a concept - being able to wash mirrors and windows without feeling like you're inhaling nasty toxins with every spray.

it's a small revolution, but a revolution nonetheless.
and part of my grander scheme to consistently go more natural (i've mentioned that previously). the current plan is whenever i need to replace something or buy anew, i look for eco friendly alternatives. works for me. and the countertops.

bench marks

I remember this time last time. weeks 12, 13, 14. Sitting on a bench with my friend Inka in the Clare Hall courtyard in Cambridge and discussing that the books said I should be feeling less exhausted any day now. Of course the days rolled on and the exhaustion didn't go anywhere. Until I forgot to keep track and eventually the fatigue got more reasonable.