coming up short

I fail.

Every day, I fail. And yet I keep on trying.

Trying to focus at work while my little one is crying - I end up running to her rescue or crying myself. Or both.
I had always thought of working from home as the ability to minimize travel time, the ability to maximize time with her, and have lunch and dinner with P and so on. I had never thought of it as the supplice of hearing my child cry while I'm at work.

Trying to soak in every day with the afore-mentioned lil one, and give her love and attention.

Trying to get through a couple of chores and bills and correspondence.

Trying to have some time with P.

I have so far failed to have much time to myself since the birth: one swim session with my sister. Zilch for yoga. I do steal some time to read a page here or there while I nurse.

I don't feel sorry for myself.

It just occurred to me today that instead of wondering where we are failing, and why this is so challenging, I should be amazed at the fact that we are both still working, and have no babysitter (not that I haven't tried. This may be a topic for another post.), and have plenty of visitors and distractions. So there, I'm finding the silver lining!


Two excellent books I highly recommend:
- Suite Francaise by Irène Némirovsky : a novel relating the French debacle of 1940-41 - the exodus, the German soldiers living in the homes of widows, of mothers of prisoners of war, of women falling in love with them, etc. written during the war without the luxury of hindsight. In fact the author died in Auschwitz and never wrote the last part she intended to her novel. An incredible portrait of French people and their failings.
- Africa Trek (I and II) by Sonia and Alexandre Poussin : the unbelievable story of a couple walking 14 000 kilometers (9 000 miles) from South Africa to Israel with the theme of walking in the footsteps of early humanity. No logistical plans, no car, no safety net. Just African generosity, wildlife and thirst and incredible portraits of countries and people.