chronology

According to the calendar, it was two years ago already that we left Seattle to set up camp in Cambridge, and I started posting on this blog. When Americans ask us where we're from, we still say Seattle though. Will it ever change? I was in such a hurry to leave the evil empire, but we've left so many friends behind.

One year ago, I cancelled my business trip to a terrific conference in Bangkok due to an OB's fear that my ongoing contractions would cause me to give birth way too early, and perhaps even in mid-flight. Then we moved into the current little home we rent. And made a weekend trip to Ikea, coming back with a car bursting with packages - launching my ongoing amazement at P's packing abilities.

And here we are today, with nothing much to report other than two things you don't want to hear from your pediatrician. (Let's not be mistaken: I adore our pediatrician).

- Wow, that is a bizzaroid tooth.

In response to her inspection of the lil one's denture. It may be that two teeth have gelled together; we'll just have to wait and see.

- Weren't you very worried?

I happily reported that all TB tests came back negative. And that's what she had to say. Which got me thinking: I hadn't been that worried mostly because there was nothing I could do about the three-month old exposure - and because I'd forbidden myself to Google the ins and outs of tb treatment for an 8-month old. But with her response, clearly, I should've been. Funny, ha ha, me not worried enough! Someone up there has a sense of humour.

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Data management gone wrong - or how there's a No Fly list , and a Please Take Me Off The No Fly List List, and a Too Sensitive For The No Fly List List, and a Fly But Be Interrogated First List.
I used to be on that last one - courtesy of being on an international flight during September 11 2001, no doubt. Boy am I glad I'm off the list, flying with baby food, beverages, medication, and white powder.

Unhappy kids better at math - or why we should keep the little one in the French education system ;)

1, 2, 3, ... 10 000

After a few long days of nothing but rain and cold - enough time to realize again just how odd this houselet design is: it's designed in fact to minimize the heat in the summer; thus we kindly refer to it as 'the cave' in the winter months - it's full glory Riviera weather again. The light is incredible in the fall and winter months: warm, luscious, lazy, optimistic... I realized with fright that I had taken it for granted. Just a short year ago, we were moving in, and waking each other up every morning to the sound of "oh my, check this out - it's another gorgeous day!". Instead now we are much like Californians - despised by Seattle-ites for their inability to notice a bright and sunny day. Food for thought that was.

So I looked around for other areas where I might take things for granted. And you're probably rushing ahead of me to the topic of the lil one. Well, no. I don't take her for granted. Not a day. I am very aware of the pain of those who cannot have one or do not have one or have lost one, and I count my luck every day.

she's alive
she's healthy
although she comes home with some infection or other every single week from daycare, it's never been anything serious
she eats well
she sleeps ok (oh there is much room for improvement, but i'm looking at the silver lining)
she's fun
she's pudgy enough
she still tolerates my kisses
she laughs and giggles
i even think she's pretty adorable

but i have a long way to go... my older brother and his girlfriend came to visit us this past week-end. I've been angry at him for not coming sooner - she's almost 9 months old! It's not like her birth date was a big surprise ! I should stop using exclamation marks when I talk about him but I can't! Because he drove me nuts! Yes he's known worldwide for living in a parallel universe, with only loose and infrequent connections to planet Earth, and yes she was coming down with a fever and I was tired and a little concerned. But I should have found it in me to display my gratitude for his visit in a way other than to snap at him a 1000 times.

the tunnel

When lil A was very lil A, we'd often drive through a tunnel. And I would always wonder how kids make sense of the world. I mean, people think French is hard with its long list of rules and longer list of exceptions, but think about this: it's light in daytime and dark at night - except if the shutters or blinds are closed, except except if the lights are on, or you're in a tunnel, or underground, or playing peakaboo, or witnessing a sun eclipse - see what i mean? how do they make sense of it all?

but that's not the tunnel that's been most of my mind lately. I spent the summer looking forward to settling into an easier routine in September. that routine was postponed repeatedly - trip to dc, bumpy daycare start, TB tests (we're in the clear), and now, NOW, I think we're finally good even if the drama princess was somewhat opposed to eating oh and sleeping as well at daycare on thursday.

what does that mean? it means it's almost november and almost almost time to head over to FL for Xmas for 3 weeks (hate me) and really really mess up our good routine again.

ps: we've got tooth #4 out - it's the top left lateral front tooth, giving A the slightest bit of a Dracula look.

the right spot

Tired of the old heavy design, so trying this harbor look - but no worries, you're in the right spot.

What skin cream do *you* use?

What skin cream do you use?? Ahhh... freak out... and I was just starting to relax and consider buying non-organic AND pre-made baby food. mmh. back to freak mode.

Public thanks to zenscribe for the Morality-based politics quizz, among other excellent ones, such as the FindYourSpot.com .
Conclusion of the politics survey: me, yoga non-profit worker me, am totally predictable, falling right smack in activism and inches away from Buddhism. So much for smug thinking of maybe me not so easily cubbyholed. am just in a different cubby.
And conclusions of the findyourspot survey, for you (empty) adoring crowds who asked? well, we'll update you soon, but we will be moving. ha. who's surprised?

Voices in my head continued

There's a voice in my life at the moment that sings da-da-daaa-dadada, and occasionally ma-ma. She's the voice I am trying to cherish and listen to above all others.

Voices in my head

How do you translate "timeout" or "let's use our inside voices now" into French? Or "un gamin bien eleve" (sort of a well-raised kid, but also implies well-mannered, polite)?
The balance-beam of dual identity or dual cultures is taking on an interesting turn through mothering. And my French style is all about unconsciously mimicking and passing on how I have seen my mother and other relatives relate to kids; while my American style is all about what-the-books-say. But I only speak to the lil one in French, so she hears none of the fancy professional sounding American stuff from me.
Is it then easier to find equilibrium? Is it a luck or not to have such separation between the practical and the theoretical? I really wonder sometimes.
I used to think I didn't know how to be a mother in French - it'd been years since I'd been in the country and hadn't seen French friends become mothers. I was starting to think I could understand what it felt like for mothers who no longer had a mother. Yet suddenly I'd blurt out a rhyme or a lullaby I did not even know I knew. Memory is pretty cool. And just as well I could now diaper her in my sleep (have I?), tell you in an instant whether she's hungry, tired, excited, and whether it's a good time to try trimming her nails (not is the usual answer). And that's not memory at all.

We did some medical tests on Friday morning. Came home, and found out over lunch that both P and I had noticed that the nurses were normal. Not gawdy, not aggressive, just normal. Noticing normality, isn't that scary? Isn't that a sure sign that it's high time to pack and go??

Note to self

I am worn out. How boring. About as exciting as dust accumulating on lamp shades.

Had dinner with friends of my parents this past weekend - the same people who had us over when we were looking for a home. Made me feel crummy by suggesting that a) natural timeline before meeting folks in an area is 3 years b) that to shorten the timeline I should throw myself into settings where I am giving instead of taking, such as charities, church that sort of stuff - well, up until then i didn't consider myself as selfish; am I? I also have about as much time and energy for giving as a marathon runner who's crossed the finish line and is laying down on the side of the road weeping. total sum of selfishness in the last 8 months: 3 swim sessions of less than 30 minutes each, 1 depressing yoga class, 1 body scrub to accompany my mother who needed it as much as I, and an infinite amount of time reading through online mom journals because it makes me feel the slightest bit sane and part of a community of sorts.

I feel like I need to walk through the oft-mentioned tunnel before I get to the light, that I am only starting to cross my desert; and I'm usually fine with a good challenge, a fun triathlon with friends, an enriching experience, but I fear I do not have the energy needed right now.

My grandfather has been in the hospital - again (after two of my grandparents died in the last year; can I call a time out?). We feared a come-back of the lung cancer that's cost him a lung already. Instead it's TB. Which means P, A and self are heading over to the hospital day after tomorrow for some tests, and again next week. which also means I've had to pull out the lil one out of daycare until the results come back negative. which also means with the manual due in two days and still 60 pages of editing on my plate and no daycare, i'm pulling my hair out. And spending way too much time on the momjournal pages to muster up some sense of humour about the whole thing.

Hypothesis of the day: the antidote to sleep deprivation is laughter. Thoughts?

Gerrymandering Oaf Pandemonium

Sometimes I know I don't know something and I'm fine with it. Sometimes time has come to look it up. Like GOP.
Well, GOP = Grand Old Party. I'm not even kidding. How conceited is that?
(Apparently I'm not the only one who didn't know.)

On related political news, read read read this Was The 2004 Election Stolen and don't stop (thx dan).

Also a fascinatingly well-structured site at exxonsecrets.org on Exxon's funding of global warming naysayers.

Which brings us to the two women stepping up to share the realm of Mother Jones; the same women who did a ton of the investigative work behind the Exxon fundings. It's a small world.