Motherhood Manifesto

Motherhood is the single biggest risk factor for poverty in old age.

I'm talking to everyone I can about it, finding ways to weave it into distantly-related conversations, and processing some of its information for days - it's that kind of a wake-up and call-to-action book: "The Motherhood Manifesto". I find it's a great next step to the "who's this system working for? and what to do about it?" ponderings I've been having for a while. It covers parental leave, flexible work, childcare and after school programs, healthcare for kids, realistic and fair wages.

- Motherhood is the single biggest risk factor for poverty in old age (partly because nannies earn social security credits while mothers do not, and earn no money at all). 25 percent of new "poverty spells" start when a baby is born. More children will see their parents go through bankrupcy each year than through divorce.

- The wage gap between mothers and non-mothers is bigger than between men and women. Even in studies done with identical resumes, mothers take a significant pay cut (44%) over non-mothers - while fathers were offered a higher salary than non-fathers! Mothers are also significantly less likely to be hired. And when they are...

- It is not illegal in most states to ask a woman if she's a mom (or a single mom) and to offer her a lower salary accordingly. In other words, it's ok to determine hourly wage based on marital and motherhood status. Because employers figure moms, and esp single moms, will have to cover benefits, esp healthcare, for the whole family.

- The US is one of only 4 countries in the world without paid parental leave (the others are Lesotho, Swaziland and Papua New Guinea). (It's also the only industrial nation without any guaranteed vacation or sick days, see a related Slate article touting this as a great issue for presidential candidates to tackle.) And yet there's a strong connection between paid leave and a significant decrease in post-neonatal deaths (non-paid leave has no correlation). Canada gives a year with some pay. In addition fathers spending time with their infants is tied to long term involvement with those children.

- Time watching television is a better predictor of future obesity than diet or exercise. 40,000 kindergarteners are home alone after school (these kids are under 5...); more than 14,000,000 kindergarteners through twelfth grade kids on their own after school without supervision. For most, childcare is a necessity, not a luxury (48% of married mothers bring in half or more of the family's income). The military system of childcare is presented as successful, subsidized, and standardized across the nation.

- "Unless you're Bill Gates, you're just one serious illness away from bankrupcy. Our study is frightening", says Harvard Med School associate professor. Half of the families filing for bankrupcy do so in the wake of a medical problem. And the typical medical bankrupcy is solid middle-class: most have been to college, gotten decent jobs, and bought homes. And about 3/4 of medical bankrupcies had medical coverage when illness struck. And the uninsured? Most of them work; many of them are middle class. The United States remains the only Western nation without universal health insurance coverage. Oh and there really are people who die from not being able to afford appropriate care. Or the prescriptions.

- Minimum wage is not enough to keep even the smallest family above the federal government's extremely low poverty threshold nor does it meet the Self Sufficiency Standard (which calculates how much money working adults need to meet their basic needs without any subsidies). Most of minimum wage earners are adult women (not summer job teenagers). A 52-week full-time job without unpaid breaks at federal minimum wage comes to $10,712 a year (with childcare costing between 4 and 10 grands a year). The minimum wage is so low states and cities on both sides of the rep-dem divide have increased the minimum wage significantly above federal standard.

It's all interrelated - the flex issue and the health issue and the childcare issue, and working longer hours to be able to afford healthcare which compounds the childcare issue. and welfare; the cost of it.

One would think this whole person-based (socialist?!) view of the world would be deplorable for businesses. but it ain't quite so simple. Mothers represent some of the most highly qualified workforce available. And for a little flexibility in their schedule, they're willing to take significant pay cuts. Flextime companies report less turnover, increased job satisfaction and team performance, and lower costs when employees work from home. Not to mention that mothers quitting because they can't juggle motherhood and an inflexible schedule cost companies dearly in turnover, retraining and hiring. Or that motherhood has been shown to make mothers more productive, more organized employees. Take that.

In fact, time and time again, prevention is cheaper than picking up the pieces. Prevention of poverty is cheaper than welfare. Every 1$ spent on at-risk youth in an after-school program brings a return of $10 approx (about $3 for nonrisk youth).
Every $1 spent on good quality childcare for low-income children saved over $7 over time (increased literacy, etc.). Even free preschool for 4 year olds (in Wisconsin) saves money in the long run (e.g. less special ed or repeated grades).
Increased min wage results in savings from improved job performance and lower turnover and disciplinary problems. In fact, employment and payroll growth in the higher minimum wage states performed better than in the remaining states."

And if that still doesn't convince you, then how does it feel to be pointed out as a totally inefficient country? Countries with the same infant mortality rate as the US spend about 1/20th what US citizens spend per person per year. The US spends way more on healthcare per capita than any other nation. with poor results. More money does not equal better care because of the high percentage of private prepaid plans which are notoriously inefficient with dollars. Each procedure has umpteen different negotiated rates, which translates into 20-25% of healthcare dolars spent on administration (Canadians spend 40% less on healthcare yet receive more hospital care and make more doctors' visits and enjoy better access to care. Trimming US costs to Canadian levels would save at least $209 billion annually, enough to fund universal coverage.). The cost of healthcare is rising so much, in fact, that businesses are struggling to keep up, and some fortune 500's are choosing to relocate (North of the border for instance).

Finally...
it's going in the wrong direction:

• the number of uninsured is increasing, while job-linked health coverage is dropping
• the premiums for family coverage have risen 60% from 2000 to 2005
• the maternal pay gap is expanding
• the value of the minimum wage has been decreasing
• economic inequality and economic insecurity have both been rising since the 1970's.
• ceo wage ratio getting much bigger (40 times in 1980's and 500 times today). in no other country is the ratio bigger than 50. in western europe, canada and japan, ceo's make 20 to 30 times what the average worker does, often less.
  
• the percentage of working women has skyrocketed to 81% in 1999
• for the first time since census starting tracking in 1976, there is a decline in the proportion of mothers of infants in the workforce
• women make up 75% of the elderly poor. it's a number that has been rising.

Much more at MotherhoodManifesto.com (aka momsrising.org). Time to speak up!

young at heart

In 1790, a man named John Tyler was born, and George Washington was the very first president of the United States.

In time, "his accidency" John Tyler would become the 10th US president.

His youngest daughter died during the Harry Truman presidency - you know, the very end of WW2, the atomic bomb, the cold war, that Harry Truman who was presiding when both my parents were born.

Doesn't it make the country look about as old as a toddler?

homing

A friend's mom drove me home once, when I was about 6 or 7, got me to one end of our street and asked if we were close to home. I replied in good faith that I had no idea. This though, has become the source of much teasing in my family. A block away from home and no idea where you were ! To which I always reply, I'd never been there since we always drove home via the other end of the street, how could I possibly guess where I was ? I'm no homing pigeon.
If you're a great big explorer, traveling West around the world for the first time, how would you know you're almost home if you've always traveled East before, uh?

Sadly though, they also have a point. I have a catastrophic sense of direction. In a pinch, I always make the wrong turn. If I double-guess myself and make the opposite turn from what I was about to make, it's still the wrong turn. Beats me. And infuriates me. I also despise driving downtown in American cities with all the one-way streets and no parking available. I have been known to drive home, utterly spent, after trying to make it to a downtown event but incapable of locating the right street and a parking spot at the same time. But sshh...

... Do one thing every day that scares me. What I lack in direction I'm trying to make up in foolhardiness. And so you could have spotted me with my two daughters in tow at a coffee shop, the petting zoo, the aquarium, even ikea. If you don't have kids, let me know point out that even doing groceries is no simple task: if I put one daughter in the stroller, that leaves me with one more daughter and no hand for a grocery cart. If I put the carseat in the grocery cart, that leaves no room for groceries nor the other daughter. So the current setup is to take mini-E from the comfort of our home into her carseat into a sling back into her carseat back to home while lil A does home - car seat - grocery cart seat - car seat - home, and I try not to squeeesh mini E while manoeuvering groceries and lil A in between various positions. My years of gymnastics and yoga are paying off.

The worse that can happen? I make a total ass of myself. Which has happened. And I'm learning to get over it.

The bottom did fall out a couple of weeks ago when P was out of town for the week on a business trip, the nanny was ill (and is useless these days, but more on that later perhaps), mini E had a horrendous reaction to her 4 vaccines, and lil A was ill. Sleep came in spurts of less than 2 hours. I was not pleased, and to be fair, I was no fun at all. But we all survived. Makes you stronger, or die younger, one or the other.

On a completely unrelated note, but I would love to hear from you: do you think you're lucky to be in your job, or do you think they're lucky to have you? Pray do share.

contraception

I was going to edit the previous post shortly after hitting publish, but have had my hands full. Where my thoughts really led me on that 3rd paragraph (summary: mom with young children takes courage) wasn't so much the wonders of modern men as the importance of contraception.

Consider that wanted pregnancies are one long pendulum of this is amazing / what did i get myself into / i am so lucky / am i ready for this? / wow / holy shit , and that days with a newborn are no different (and can be worse if you get hit by postpartum depression), and days with a toddler can be just as challenging, not to speak of teens no doubt, then imagine unplanned / too-close pregnancies, the exhaustion for the moms and the ambivalence, if not downright resentment, they must certainly feel. I tell you all, from the great height of my one-month (today!) experience as a mother of two, it's simply better for everyone if the mom wants each child wholeheartedly. End of obvious thought.

guppie

Hats off to the current big-sunglasses fashion. While I feel pretty great, I look like an Edward Munch character. With my Jackie O of the late 70's shades, I can pass as a pale Northwesterner in need of a Hawaiian vacation.

Time passes. I am more than halfway into my daily injections. Double the dosage, double the sting this time around, but the same amount of bitter-sweetness: when I'm done with my 42 shots, I'll be halfway to going back to work. For which I'm about as ready as a guppie is ever prepared to leap through a ring of fire.

My current setup of two young children, a nanny a couple hours a day, no local family, and a hubby about to disappear on faraway business trips is common, challenging but pretty enviable. So I am surprised when my grandparents' generation comments that it's a good thing I have a lot of courage. I had gotten used to the common ooh-ahhing over the wonderfully involved and competent new fathers (they burp! they change diapers!). The elders' comments shatter through the conception that moms have it easier today (closely related is the myth that in previous centuries fathers did not parent).

And yet at the end of the week-end come news which I have difficulty placing in the same reality as life with a newborn and its self-centeredness: 3 deaths. A youth, pulmonary embolism. My former piano teacher. And my grand-uncle who was like a grand-father to us. Ouch.

blood and guts and milk and magic

Once upon a time, I used to speak (and read and write) decent German - at least decent enough to watch movies and write contrived essays. This came after years of schooling, of course, but also a couple of stays in Germany. Once in the vicinity of Hamburg, I was overwhelmed by a familiar smell as I crossed a wooden bridge. It was the exact same scent as my grandparents' chalet in the Alps. And completely unexpected too. If I closed my eyes, I was transported instantly to their home, that atmosphere, the memories associated with it.

And so it is now, except that the smell is of blood and milk.

After several days of fearing an induction far more than I was fearing labor, of drinking cumin teas to gently encourage her to come greet us, of hiking up and down snowy slopes next to A & P sledding, and finally of splurging on a delicious Indian meal where each dish was carefully selected for its high cumin content, mini-E came a few minutes past her expected due date.

00:24 on Monday, January 28th to be precise.

It is tough writing about labor, especially to the ether.
I am incredibly proud that I was able to mostly labor on my own at home, relaxing, listening to my music selections, letting go (not watching the clock, not thinking ahead, not letting my mind interfere). This gave us time for my aunt-in-law to take the ferry and make the 2 hour journey, time for P to feed lil A and put her down for the night; I even had enough senses about me at the beginning to explain to lil A in between contractions the overview of what was going on (mom in labor, mom and dad going over to the hospital later tonight, baby coming soon, you'll meet her tomorrow at the hospital).

I labored for about 6 hours at home. Mini E was born 2 hours after we got to the hospital.

This was an all-natural birth as I had hoped but honestly didn't fully believe I could pull off. And with back labor too. About 2 minutes before her birth I asked my husband, incredulous, so you think we'll go natural all the way?

Other earth-shattering things I uttered that night include, "This is not really fun anymore" (referring to labor. I also thought, but refrained from voicing, that I did not want any more children so I'd never have to go through this again. Somehow pain has a short memory; just two weeks later, this strikes me as utter nonsense.)

It wasn't pleasant. But it was also soon completely overshadowed by the miracle that is a birth. The moment when I hopped (sort of) out of the tub, jumped (not really) onto the bed, and quickly uttered, "she's coming out". Indeed.

The nurse was washing up, the OB hadn't arrived yet, and so it was P who caught her. I hope he never recovers from the magic of it. (My dad also delivered me, and I was also born on a snow storm night; somehow that makes me feel like she is more my daughter!).

Her nickname is "creme deub" for "creme de bebe" as she is a particularly gentle, calm, and easy-going baby so far. She has darling sideburns, a healthy appetite, an unfortunate cold, which I passed onto her, and expressive hand gestures - her signature pose is to rest her chin on her two hands one on top the other. Tres Audrey Hepburn.

And so we are all well.

My parents have provided much needed help 'round the house, and a much needed distraction for lil A. Unfortunately they leave on Friday. Then the real fun begins.

how I feel!

New year, same old

Yes, Happy New Year to all.

I have no resolutions this year; yet I've spent a good deal of time thinking about why I didn't even think about making resolutions, to what my resolutions might have been had I made some, to did I use to make resolutions? What about you: where do you stand on the resolutions front?

No, I have not given birth yet. But I'm well; and thank you for asking.

An interesting quote from an interesting blogpost (though I dissent with the blogposter because I can't get over the "plastic", "professional politician", "not particularly charismatic" and "greedy for power" endearing aspects of the candidate):

I'm voting for Hillary for the same reason I lost my virginity - holding onto it until I found the perfect guy was becoming such an elevated ideal that I was never going to find a guy perfect enough to deserve it, my purity, my lotus flower, my blooming womanhood. I was going to walk around forever, deeming every man I met not worthy, until I finally ruined myself of finding love anywhere, my expectations unrealistic. So I slept with the guy I was dating at the time. I got it over with. And then I moved on to the rest of my life.

This country needs to just go ahead and elect a woman already. It's time. We all know it's time, are itching to just GET IT OVER WITH, get a woman in office and put an end to the questions of whether or not her PMS is going to interfere with her foreign policy.